This “Emergency” Coalition Government – Much Ado About Nothing

Earlier today at a hastily prepared press conference, the Prime Minister, along with a number of newly appointed ministers, responded to claims that the new government is over bloated and ineffective, concerned more with the interests of politicians rather than those of the people.

The Prime Minister stated that... “The people have nothing to be concerned about!   I can state categorically that never before in the history of our country has a government allocated greater resources to the wholly legitimate concerns of the electorate.  I am proud that this major issue will be dealt with in its entirety form all angles”.  With that statement he introduced his new Ministers and opened up to questions.

When asked about her appointment, the Minister of Nothing Much replied, “I am proud to have been entrusted with this most important mission.  There is much to be done about nothing, which is of serious concern to the people of Israel and I look forward to working with my colleagues and the Prime Minister and putting an end to nothing much, for once and for all.”

The newly appointed Minister for Almost Nothing, was candid in his statement...  “It is no secret that I aspired to higher office and indeed hoped to be appointed as Minister for Absolutely Nothing however, I am a realist and understand that in carving out this coalition, the number of Ministries that could be allocated to the Likud was limited. I am therefore eternally grateful to the Prime Minister for entrusting me with Almost Nothing.  Throughout my time in the Knesset I have dedicated myself to just that, with a long record of achievement in almost nothing.  I therefore believe I have a great deal to contribute.

When asked if the slate of new ministries could be justified, the Minister of Nothing At All attacked what she sees as media bias against the new government and the new Ministries in particular.  “As the Prime minister rightly stated, the people of Israel are worried about nothing and it is our duty as public servants to address those issues which most worry the people.  You can see the Prime Minister has spared nothing in his commitment to nothing and has ensured that his government will do just that.  In my new role I now have ability to tackle nothing at all.   

With the full backing of the Prime Minister and my ministerial colleagues I predict that over the next four years I will be able to reduce nothing at all, to a level where it no longer worries those who voted for and were desperate to see this coalition government come to be.

The newly appointed Minister for Absolutely Nothing from Blue & White was very upbeat.  “Here you see the result of tough coalition talks.  They were not easy and perhaps took longer than we would have wished. At last however, we have a government which is able and dedicated to tackle the key issue of the day where nothing is more pressing than the issues we are speaking about today. 

As equal partners in this new coalition government, we bring a fresh approach to policy and as Minister for Absolutely Nothing, I am resolute to change the previous policies towards absolutely nothing and ensure that absolutely nothing is tackled in an altogether different manner, one which puts  absolutely nothing at the very forefront of government policy ensuring that nothing will be given its rightful place as we introduce and sense of unity and purpose so lacking in recent years and which is so important to ordinary Israelis.  Again I stres that my commitment to nothing and that of my colleagues standing here before you is absolute.

Lastly, the controversial new appointee, The Minister of Sweet Fuck All was his candid self.  “The Prime Minister has entrusted me with Sweet Fuck All for which I have nothing but gratitude. This is the culmination of years of dedicated public service, where I am proud to have played my part in a series of governments which have consistently committed to Sweet Fuck All. 

Indeed, the results and achievements speak for themselves. With our new coalition partners, we will continue to serve the people of Israel.  We will only increase our activity and let absolutely nothing get in our way in the pursuit of Sweet Fuck All, particularly when it comes to the most pressing challenges facing the country and the genuine concerns of the people of Israel.